Motivating Monday

My UBER gal pal and soul sister Amanda from Garibay Soup is so awesome for hosting this meme because what a superbly fantastic way to start off the week. In my case this post may be heavy....but if everything was light in life we would not be able to gather our strength to continue forward.

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I will admit I am not the best wife. Truly I am a horrible wife, humbly so I can tell you that I have taken my husband for granted, abused our gifts of trust and spit on the sanctity of respect. I am not admitting to being a terrible person but that the job of wife and or husband is a truly difficult job to uphold.

Spouses often get into a comfort zone as do many relationships and boundaries are crossed, ignored, and at times blatantly disrespected. I never thought I would be married. A vow I made to myself to always be me, never to lose myself in the stigma of a "couple." My obtuse ideals mostly warped from the ever failed marriage of my parents and the bold display of disrespect in my father's new marriage. I was broken from the word go. But I met a man who was my match in every sense. Type-A personality, loving, loyal, ornery and stubborn not to mention the fact that I could hold an intelligent conversation with him. We could banter on politics and religion and the banter would not turn south of two rams butting heads.

My marriage as with any marriage requires work, love, dedication, patience, and the ability to know when you are both in the boat to sail the seven seas of love or know when the time has come to dock and part ways. Not every marriage is a full time honeymoon with little ass taps, googly eyes and long heartfelt talks. Nope there are fights and arguments, sometimes name calling and idle threats. The ugly side we hate to see in any marriage but at times all too real.

Again spouses reach a comfort level and soon roles are taken in the home based on the dominance of the role. In my home I am the caretaker and he is the provider where we both used to carry each role. With the defined roles couples often take for granted the work and appreciation of the other spouse leaving one or both resentful for the lack thereof of appreciation, simple considerations such as a thank you, and or lending a helping hand to can reconnect a marriage.

Most people may think that spicing up a marriage by adding more to the already twosome or by adding children can help to revive a dull marriage is the most far-fetched ever. If both have those desires and that may be what is impeding your marriage then by all means go for the goal. But do not think that those options will bring you back from broke or bankrupt.

As a mom of multiples the most strenuous affect on my marriage was children; still is children. While they bring us to a level of closeness our children can also divide us because of how we were raised or our own egotistical ideals of "how our children should be raised" get in the way. Furthermore the stress of adding multiples to a marriage compounded the divorce rate and failure.

But we fight. We fight each year over the last lucky 13 years and 10 years of marriage to keep our love for one another alive. To hold true to our vows of eternal love and respect. While we may fail our love is still alive and even though love cannot always build and bridge and we have been to the point to admit that divorce would be best, we are here today and for the next 50 years to make our marriage continue to work.

I found recently that marriage is the most simple of complex relationships requiring only the basics for survival and the rest falls into place beautifully. Trust in your partner and trust in yourself. If you cannot trust yourself of your partner, more than likely they feel the same. Respect. Love. Honesty. If you have those as a core foundation then the communication will fall into place, the fabulous sex and of course the appreciation for one another in the job each does for the union whether as a caretaker, provider or both.

But above all else...remember why you fell in love with your spouse if you find you are losing touch. Write your feelings down. Recite these feelings to one another. While they may not solve any problems you may be having not taking the other person for granted and recalling exactly why you fell in love and married them will keep your love burning strong. Remember too that we do the best we can and marriage is not about 50/50 but each giving 100% or more to the relationship.