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I Suck as a Mom

The Five Fish: I Suck as a Mom

Sunday, January 31, 2010

I Suck as a Mom

Not only do I suck as a mother...but just about every other uterus that has hosted the parasite child and or children that we love today is a suck-tatstic mom. I dare I say you suck as a mom. Well do! Hell, all those ass hats who CLEARLY think they are such great human beings that camp out on Twitter, Facebook, blogs, in the "Self Help" section of Barnes and Noble, you know they MUST be better mothers, fathers, parent's right? Look where you can find them.

Wrong. Here is why they can eat rat heads and suck a goat's ass. Our parenting skills are courtesy of our parents with a twist, we take what we learn from them and put our twang into parenting. Think of it as a cubre libre, a rum and coke...with a lime. We aren't given the master manual of how to raise our children to June Cleaver standards, which I am still researching, I believe June was flawed and...I know that if you are given a nickname like "Beaver" you are bound for fricking therapy!

I was talking with The Chad today about my blog. I told him I was so happy to take a step back, to see where I was, to look at the kids again in a different light and before I knew it we were discussing my book. Yes. A book. My book. The book I am writing based on the fact that I am a parenting expert who knows diddly shit! Just like all the other diddly shit knowing parents out there. We talked so much about all the funnies from our early parenting days with Grant. Simple items like 'How to Feed Your Child.' Sounds easy right? Wrong. If you were like us, we fed the poor boy until he puked. Yup. Projectile, overfilled the damn tank like they tell you not to do at the gas station, mistake of over feeding our kid. How were we to know? He just kept we rooted him on like any good parent watching their child at a hot dog eating contest. Until we got the Poltergeist effect of formula hurled onto us with a projectile reach of at least five feet. Good form Grant baby....all over me AND dad.

We make mistakes. Lots of mistakes. Mistakes are not bad, mistakes are meant to be lessons to be learned. I look at mistakes as information that was mis - tooken. Yes, I mistook the information to be correct. I was not necessarily wrong, just an err. By looking at my mistake as a simple err rather than a brow beating incident that would result in endless mommy guilt that I would inevitably take out on my child who would take out on their child and we all would end up on Jerry Springer in therapy.

Being a parent is the hardest job on Earth. Our training sucks, the vacation time only gets better after 15 years of service (maybe less), the pay is wet and sloppy (but hey...I will take kisses any day of the week), and the hours are a bitch (Parenting gives a new meaning to the "graveyard" shift). So before you swing your royal gavel about being a parent or someone else's parenting skills, take a step back and remember you may be pointing one finger at them. But you have at least three pointing back at YOU! Each of us that are parents do what we can with the tools we are given and we can build a bridge or we can build a fortress. Parenting is like a flower with each petal, each bloom, and each dormancy a new chapter in how we shape our children and ourselves. Making mistakes and learning from them is all the fun of looking back at how we have flowered, bloomed, and how we pollinated with beautiful people for whom we call our children.

Do your best, love your kids, and know that you are doing your best with what you know at THAT moment in time, in your life, and that you did and will continue to do right by your children and yourself. Because I know that I can look at my kids and know that I am not perfect, but I love each one of my children perfectly, no one can change that and no one can tell me how to raise them or love them. Registered & Protected

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