The Fish Out of Water

Goodbye is the healthiest action anyone can take when looking to end something. Everything truly comes to an end whether we realize the situation or not. I love to say goodbye. Closure. Finito. My finale. A closed chapter per se.

I am a soul seeker, I look for answers and when I am faced with numerous options and not the definitive answer I do what all people do...NOTHING. Why? Why act on emotion and the unknowing, why act on the drama of a three act play waiting for the curtain call only the curtains never do call.

I stated that I started my blog with specific intentions, my outlet, my freedom to express what life is like in my home (world), with my children, myself, and my husband. By no means am I saying I am "special" or a chosen one but just a socialite stay at home mom, housewife and former career woman who can share the angst's of life and that we are not alone in our feelings, our momentary insanity, our trials in parenthood, our failures and successes as individuals in our many roles. My blog began to take a fun turn....reviews, giveaways, contests, Oh my! I was Dorothy traveling the yellow brick road, I was off to see the wonderful wizard of blogs. Only I felt more like Alice tripping down a rabbit hole, only that rabbit hole was laced with LSD and bad trips.

Taking a step back allowed and still allows me an insight into the world of "blogging" and the interaction in "social media." What I find completely interesting is the dynamics in this virtual and alternate reality. I also saw a side of myself I did not like, someone I was morphing into that was not me. Even "me" wasn't me anymore as I watched bits here and there of my soul being chipped away by those who could take my good heart and genuine sincerity and deplete my reserves, little by little. I watched as COMPLETE strangers made character assassinations in a weak and pathetic attempt to gain an advantage. One I can now look at and laugh hysterically at the sheer pain, anger, and rage pent up in such individuals to attack someone at such a level. Truly a sad, sad day for them in their actions, and an even prouder day for me...that I can take pity on their wretched souls as they burn from the inside out. Taking a step back allows for total and complete reflection, removing oneself from the aquarium.

Continuing on my path I would have morphed into the juggernaut of blogs. A completely destructive force to myself, my family, and those around me creating a catastrophic area of effect. Supernova is what comes to mind. A bright star becoming so consumed with itself burning into oblivion. What would be the purpose? Sure I could go forth and monetize my blog, become a "top mom blogger," get great invites, go on trips, and then what? Really what is the next level? Total world domination. Why? What would be the reason? Is that really my goal? Is that really what I want? Nope. Why not you ask?

My goal has and will always be law school. I was a born negotiator, mediator, and royal piss you the fuck off because I am ALWAYS right kind of person. My goal is to continue to be the best, happiest, healthiest mom to my kids and so they learn what took me well into my 30s to figure out. My goal is to be a fabulous socialite wife and lover to my husband. My goal is to continue to be a strong and awesome friend, sister, and overall real deal of a human being, to continue to be true to myself and those around me.

Sometimes in life we become so engulfed in what we are doing, where we are going, who we are sharing with that we tear down the walls we had built with precision to protect ourselves from our own demise. Then we are entrenched into our situation we are blinded, almost delusional because our view of reality is so obtuse. Boundaries are created for a reason and if we do not respect or realize our own boundaries, no one else will either. Reaching center allows you to survey everything and take inventory.