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My Most Reliable Appliance

The Five Fish: My Most Reliable Appliance

Friday, July 24, 2009

My Most Reliable Appliance

My appliances have caused me a great amount of grief lately. Truly I begin to despise them as they throw a kink into my absolutely (perfect) functioning, chore completing world. Especially since I fired the maid, chef, and laundromat for the next 16 or more years requiring I do these tasks on my own.
Okay, really I did not fire them....but man I wish I had help like that on some days.

So my appliances must truly hate me. The first appliance to go was the washer. Easy fix, we bought new ones courtesy of a large "donation" from DH's boss a few years ago, I got a fancy front loader and matching dryer. (see my abundance of laundry in my utility looks much more organized now....HA!)


The next appliance to take dump was the water heater....when I was 8 1/2 months pregnant with the twins. Yeah, that was fun. Prego with water gushing everywhere and the water wasn't mine....needless to say when you are as HUGE as I was where even the XL maternity clothes were not fitting and you see gushing wish it were yours and prayed for mercy. So a trip to the Home Depot later and voila! New water heater.

Another appliance to slowly make an exit was a MUCH needed appliance in any HOTTER THAN HELL household....the air conditioner. My A/C unit was as old as the house, which is as young as me....not energy efficient, always running, never cooling.... I'm seeing a pattern. Anyway. We replaced that bad boy last September and I have been in heaven since. I have to wear a light sweater at times.


So again I had an appliance take another dump......again......I was fuming with frustration. Seriously I never have problems with appliances. The washer again began to act up....luckily I had my wits about me to research the error code to find that the problem was a clogged boot. Yes, on the bottom of front loaders is a lint boot that catches everything. I do mean everything. The smell was ripe! I mean I have smelled rotting flesh that smelled fresher than the stench emulating from that washer. Candles were lit and doors opened to air the shit ass stench! P YOU

In fact this is what was pulled out from the washer and let me tell you what they are: a bra underwire (clearly mine unless someone is wearing this for moobs in this house), two dimes, a penny, a one dollar piece, a house key that was trashed already and a breast feeding pad. One of those you use to soak up your let down so you don't walk around looking like a wet cow all day. That was the NASTIEST thing I had ever seen. Took some investigation, but N.A.S.T.Y!

Now on Monday night we finally had our first "monsoon" for the summer. Just like sex though, hot, wet, quick, and after it leaves, sometimes a bit disappointing. So the old summer storm rolled in bringing lots of thunder, rain, lightning. Well the lightning I suppose caused a problem for some folks. Namely me. You see I have this appliance that washes dishes for I do not have to stand over a sink ruining my beautiful hands.

Yes, that appliance. The appliance that if died again would be the bane of my existence! I hate dishes, laundry I can handle. Dishes, I CANNOT! Not sure on the reasoning, probably all the nasty food issues and yuck. But I am not a dishes girl. So this appliance failed to work, resulting in a service call. The guy came out, charged $69 and voila, fixed. He pulled the panel off, reset it, bam, works again. DH was not happy with this but as I suggested....not like he was going to dig around in the old dishwasher.

So this post brings me to the only reliable appliance I own in my house. This appliance needs no batteries. No switches. No need to turn off or on. I am always so thankful this appliance is there when I need it most.

(picture courtesy of Eden Fantasys)

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