Take What You Need and Walk Away

In the dark side of light I was philosophical. I was, truly gnawing, chewing, digesting, spitting up and in my own smitten, selfish way, smiling at the awful incident. One that I thought might have pushed me to my outer edges of passionate, top end emotions.

Jogging in the cold, whipping air, in the twinkles of the cosmos I saw her, the flash, the defeat, the mourning. What was so special about her to cause me to feel the pain, to cry and half throw a fit over the casualty? The damage was done, I made attempts to repair, The Chad came in and made attempts to repair, we walked away, we let the situation simmer.

I was struck, like lightning with my epiphany about how the damage happened, about accepting that I could not mend what I could truly explain as wrecked. Destroyed. Obliterated. I did what any other person would do after digesting such an event.

Call Dell.

My poor hard drive crashed and I realized I felt so much pain for this. I was upset, emotionally tearful for my computer. WHY? I was asking myself and fighting with the situation, "Why are you crying? It's a machine!" But the machine held a LOT of others secrets, information, it held parts of me, lots of good parts of me. I had come to think I had a "relation" of sorts with my computer. You see she saw me through last year...from beginning to end, so when she crashed I felt myself crash with her.

But I saw this brilliance. On my jog. I saw why I was mourning my hard drive. Crazy as the thought may sound. I was mourning a relationship that was damaged beyond all repair. I could not fix it, there was no reason, shit. just. happened! My brilliance was that hard drives are so much like people, relationships, relations. They crash, for no reason, totally unexpected, and the only thing you can do is make an honest attempt to repair. I F2'ed, I F12'ed, I F8'ed until I finally said F it and accepted the crash.

What helped me to accept the crash was The Chad. Telling me, "these things happen, hard drives crash, they are man made, they spin around and they just break." That is what hit me on my jog. My dark side of light, to see that people we have in our lives spin around and around, they have a purpose, they offer us something, we reciprocate, and sometimes they crash because they have spun themselves out in an unhealthy way.

The crash is the hardest. I realized that I have had crashes, we all have crashes. But coming to the realization. that continuing to work on something that spun itself into a cosmic oblivion of nothingness, is toxic and is the first step to acceptance, to moving on. I found so much relief to know that what I needed from my hard drive could be salvaged via an external box. I will leave the technical mumbo out. By understanding that certain snips and scraps if not everything but the OLD operating system could be saved, I realized that in myself. I was salvaging from these crashes everything but the old operating system, I was evolving. I was letting go.

My hard drives have crashed with other people, I made every attempt to repair (including myself) and saw that I was not in repair but that those who I thought needed the mend were crashed. They are gone, they brought nothing else to a life, my life, anyone's life. They are broken, NO ONE, not even their own repair system could fix them. I came to see that sometimes we have to accept things, people, relationships, crash and are broken, but if we can try to revive after the crash walking away with what really matters, taking the vital shards of what was scathed that we can move on. We can learn, we can eliminate the garbage, that what might have spun us into oblivion. Walking away taking pride, love, self respect, courage, honesty, justice, patience, forgiveness, to name a few and above else walking away with wisdom showed me that the damage really was not all that devastating. I walked away with A LOT!

Mourning was quick. I found that the drawn out mourning of a relationship was more of guilt. The Monday morning quarterback as I like to call it, "shoulda, coulda, woulda'," or the face you feel some neglect, that you could have done more and I didn't do that. I laughed. I laughed and smiled and felt such a relief that so much was gone that really was petty. I was starting new in a sense, only that much smarter, that much wiser, and that much lighter by not having that spinning hard drive, the constant spinning of toxic people in my life. So we have to look at when a crash happens, do we want to salvage the WHOLE drive or do we want to salvage just the parts that matter? Our own parts, our own operations, or do we want the supporting systems that really are the most vital?

After you repair do you ignore the crash or do you take away what you need, still remembering the fragility of man and that sometimes things, people, relationships crash. All we can do is call in our support, accept, move on and grow; grow up and away from that which was damaging. A new year, a new hard drive, new lessons.

The Joy of Family

I have been blessed with a very mellow dramatic, albeit over exaggerating, PPM (poor pity me), GOOD GAWD WTF type of family. I did not choose them. In fact, I chose my family in the eighth grade, Angela Lansbury I believe was my grandmother of depiction. I would need to search out that childhood project for excellent blog fodder. Regardless, my family is highly entertaining.

The theatrics is so thick one would have to wear a parka, rain boots, goggles and maybe a helmet to avoid the depth of shit that oozes from my family. Truly a made for TV, Lifetime mini drama.

Ttoday when I finally have begun my recuperating from the holiday I receive this email...which really doesn't set off any emotion, just highly irritating to have my precious web invaded by such a load of horse shit:

It is my humble opinion, that once a human being with even the average level in intelligence upon viewing this, does not realize how petty their resentments, attitudes, greed,pride, avarice,greivances or grudges,self importance,anger,hatred,the denying of relationships of loved ones from loved ones out of some misguided ideation of superior morality or emotional maturity, does not realize how truly unimportant , in the grand scheme of God's directives and teachings are in comparison has no soul and has not nor will not have a life worth living.

Now that "humble opinion" is that of my overly arrogant, clueless, alcoholic, overly medicated, sperm donating, excuse for a father. Sad really. I laughed and shook my head. The email was about the cosmos and relation to size, not sweating the small stuff, yadda, yadda, yadda. Whatevs. I generally read, say to myself "Cool" take the message and move on. But that first bit of hogwash had me saying "Oh please let the level of chaos and mellow drama stop....PUH LEASE!"

My "father" if you can refer to him as such, I generally call him by his first name so for the sake of privacy I will call him PITA; PITA seems to think I harbor some sort of anger, hate, grudge, whatever the eff the man believes based on his delusions of grandeur brought on by almost 40 years of substance abuse. Seriously, he thinks I must have LOADS of energy and feeling to be wasted on pointless, energy consuming, time wasting feelings of hate, anger, and grudge. Really, those feelings would require me to have a feeling or a care or want. Of which I am void.

Why?

Because why waste and let the little things like my PITA's transference get in the way of my life, why let him get to me because he carries these feelings himself about the pure fact he was an empty excuse for a parent.

He was a worthless excuse for a spouse....to all of his wives. Oh wait...ah yes, I forgot...it's a conspiracy, they (the former wives...including my mother) were all out to get him. To dump on him...the alcoholic, the drug addict, the PPM syndrome. I see this a lot in my family by more than just PITA, as if everyone else looks to dump on them. OY!

I guess what I am just up in arms at myself about was the fact that I even submitted any energy to the PITA on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. WHAT.A. JOKE. I made the mistake of showing gratitude, an attitude I carry with everything in life. Yes, I am quite thankful for bad happenings too...they do have a reason. Nothing in life happens by coincidence. So yes, I was thankful for the gifts The Chad and I received from PITA and the gifts received by my children, of which 2/3rds of the gifts will probably never be used because PITA has never taken the time to get to know ME as a daughter, let alone my children. Nope. PITA told me in a text (which I love writing for this fact...the statement cannot be claimed as conjecture. Seriously people if you don't want people to second guess you, never put your crap in writing.) Oh yes, the text:

Just so the kids know that they have a Grandpa "PITA" that love's them & they remember if only vaguely.

Here is my deal....this almost infuriated me...more or less was annoying at the sheer ignorance, and the fact the moron took so much time to type something that clearly states his own narcissism. My kids have no idea about their Grandpa PITA. Why? He's toxic, so I do not allow him in my life. If I do, I am ALWAYS burned, so after 31 years I finally put my foot down. Seriously, when I get an over dramatic call that I, yes ME, am to bail HIM out of jail. Uh, negative ghost rider the pattern is full....full of your shit...and you are NOT my responsibility. The call was over excited, like a teen who was just busted and wanted Mom and Dad to bail them out of the shit hole they dug themselves into. No thanks. A reason why I DO NOT associate with him. But of course I get the attitude of disdain and "I can't believe you are doing this to me" when I say...NO and I have children, you are not one of them.

I think I heard a hallelujah.

Anyway, PITA seems more interested that my children know of HIS existence than he does of theirs; and he wonder's why I have nothing to do with him. Oh, maybe because you did the same thing to me as a child resulting in adult issues that I had to seek therapy and healing for. ALRIGHTY THEN! So I am glad to say I love the power of IGNORE, BLOCK, JUNK MAIL, Remove Sender and all the electronic powers that be, so that I never have to see another annoying email, text, or even paper letter again. Thank you USPS for the "Return to Sender" option within the postal service.

All I can do is pray that one day, if that SHOULD ever happen (highly doubtful), he will see the importance in knowing OTHER people and not that they always know YOU! Especially when they are family. Do you have any family members like that? They thrive on self-loathing, pity, and transference? The misery loves company syndrome as well? How do you deal with toxic family?

The Problem with Politics, Religion, and Vacuum Cleaners

Sounds odd right? The politics, religion, and vacuum cleaners combination. Really though have you met anyone that refuses to back down on their personal opinion of their political stance, their staunch religious beliefs, and the fact they have the best damned vacuum cleaner ever?

I thought so.

No, each of these believes that their way is the best. The sect of religion is THE sacred path to redemption, their party is the GOP (Grand O'l Party) and again THE party. Or maybe that the Dyson they own is truly THE BEST sucker out there. Moving on.

A few weeks back I attended a workshop for stampers, they are quite literally more fanatical about stamps than scrapbook creators are about widgets and paper. The workshop was rather enjoyable especially since my Grant baby was enthralled in the Holly and Hal Moose video from Build-A-Bear and he has his own crafty projects to make.

Time passed and the small group of women tediously worked on their projects, perfecting and adding the minute details of their cookie cutter, quite literally Xerox copies of each others project, cards. Niceties were exchanged, gabbing commenced, and then the ultimate blow of offenses.

"You know it is not a 'Holiday Tree' this is America, it is called a 'Christmas Tree' so let's just call it that and move on and quit trying to be friends with these crazy Muslims and what not..."

Now I am not, by any means, an easily offended person. But that comment, spewed from the mouth of an older, white, staunch conservative, no more than a high school education, WOMAN, pissed me the hell off. Why? Why was I so clearly irked by her lack of cultural sensitivity, her blissful ignorance, her sheer disregard for her new audience? Hmm, one could wonder why right?

Not I. I had no care to wonder, because this woman who was hosting me in her home had no idea whether my messiah was derived from the over translated New Testament, the Book of Moses, or if my messiah might possibly be Muhammad himself, or better yet a higher language of thought and enlightenment through Buddhism or hell maybe I was Satan reincarnate through Hinduism in the form of a hot blond. Do you see my level here? No? Here is the deal.

You can be Catholic, Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Mormon, an Atheist, a Pagan, a Hindu, or Buddhist, but do NOT assume that because we live in what I feel is a large melting pot of cultural  beliefs and racial assimilates that I too am as ignorant and a staunch conservative, WHITE, pseudo-Republican, and Christ belief bearing as you. I truly do not mind that so many people have so many beliefs, I rather find the various beliefs of great interest to me, I question everything because I wish to learn more, not find the one divine path to redemption. I find redemption within my own self, not from some righteous ass who tells me I need to find redemption by giving to their authority in the form of cash and guilty sabbath visits or confessionals.

I will admit, I am Caucasian, I am a registered card bearing member of the Republican Party, I am also a gun owner, a baptized Baptist whom has been non-practicing for over 20 years, I am Pro Choice (GASP!), and I like many other morons voted for Bush...TWICE, but I also voted for Barrack Obama. I believe in Mother Earth, a higher power of sorts, reincarnation, an afterlife, I believe in free will, choices, the ultimate separation of Church and State because I believe homosexuals should be granted the same unhappiness of marriage like us heterosexual folks. Seriously, why should we be damned granted blissful marriage and divorce only? Makes sense right?

But I do not go about assuming that each and every person I come into contact with is of the same beliefs. I do not push my beliefs like a hustler. I embrace the diversity. I embrace my often mis-informed Republican kin, my zealous Democratic kin (who quite possibly are lost in translation....much like my Republican brethren), I embrace the word of the Torah, the Quran, canon (most likely Tibetan by all intents and purposes), the Book of Mormon, I embrace these as the words of good living, a form of ethics and a higher ascencion, not for redemption and "I'm better than you because I believe in Christ" or "You're going to hell"  (because I don't believe the way you do). I also do not swallow all these words, but they are chew worthy and food for thought.

Really we spend so much time convincing others of our beliefs that one has to wonder their own religion if they are too busy selling the water. So I will drink the tap and thank you kindly for the hospitality, appreciate your strong beliefs and go on with my merry sinful living to your devout singular beliefs. Because I surely did not just tell you that you HAD to vote for Barrack Obama because we needed change in this country, I did not tell you that you must pray five times a day, barefoot, facing East in order to find divinity in your life, and I surely did not just force my Kenmore Progressive Upright in your face because it IS the best vacuum....Consumer Reports even called it a best buy! Embrace diversity and show a bit of consideration to your audience.

Did We Need to Go There

My blog has never been one for controversy. I leave controversy to many face-to-face communications. Body language can be read and understood, as can eye movement, facial expressions, tone. Tone is often hard to communicate in writing. One must be a skilled author to have the finesse to emit tone in the conversation. So controversy as I said is left to the true verbal arena so as not to encounter miscommunications or to misunderstand.

So my tone is about to go to a beaten path NEVER taken before. EVER. I will probably lose blog followers and I am deeply sorry. I will not yield nor apologize for my personal life, my personal decisions, something that completely affects me, with the exception of my husband as he was a very intricate part of my life in this decision.


Once upon a Thanksgiving in 2009 a young woman who spent two days prepping, cleaning, cooking and baking, not to mention caring for her three children. Might I add, two of which are twins in case you are just tuning into the Fish Film @ 11, and I work a full-time job, a real. full time job. Not just the job of mom, you see that is my first job, my real job is my third job, my second job is wife, and my fourth job is business owner. So you see I truly have FOUR FULL time jobs....ah hell five if you add all the housework. So back to it, I was cleaning up after a much enjoyed pie hole stuffing event. Family was gathered on my couch, every seat taken,  reading Black Friday ads, friends were conversing, laughs shared abound. As the crowd began to simmer and disperse I thought I need to call my dear friend who so lovingly called to share in her thanks and love on this day. But in addition to the love to be shared was the hate that this ugly world can bring. Not hate by my friend, the hate of strangers, the hate of those who put up a loving facade to avoid confrontation, the hate spewed behind anonymity to win out in some delusional war of words.

Please be advised that the images you are about to see are repulsive, obscene, disgusting, and horrid. All directed AT ME. I debated on posting these images and by rehashing information I so prayed to disappear, but the glutton in me took pictures of the proof of hate generated by people.

For privacy reasons the images were removed and can only be viewed by invitation only. 

As I said. I apologize for any and ALL of you to read this ugliness. I was so physically ill on Thursday I could barely sleep. I was shaking, I was borderline inconsolable. My husband, bless his heart, reassured me to ignore this. It would go away. It did not. The pain did not go away. These people have NOT. GONE. AWAY! The Twitter account STILL EXISTS!!! I thought the account had been deleted, however, I was wrong and hatred breeds and multiplies and yet another account can be created in anonymity so as to further the cause of hatred.

Now here is my beef. I have no problem with someone gossiping at or about me. Whatever, sticks and stones okay. But a FULL ON CHARACTER ASSASSINATION will make this Lionesses blood boil! My sweet little guppy fish exterior will molt into the full on lion bitch I am! What else....NO ONE. I do stress NO ONE has any of this information in the blogging community...oh wait. With the single exception of my sister.

YES. You know her. Brittany Greer. Brittany Hudson Greer over @ The Greer 5.

My flesh and blood. I had attempted to try to keep this between the family. A family feud that she clearly took too far in divulging my personal information to sheer strangers for their personal use to attack me. To belittle, to judge, to bring me shame, to destroy my character, to inflict pain, I can go on and on. Clearly a reprimandable offense correct? One might think considering that a third party went so far as to assassinate my good character, to attempt to destroy my friendships, my networkings, or maybe because the cretin who created this account thought it may be funny to bring pain to someone such as me. If you believe in this.....keep on being a subscriber to your community that is "generously" run and operated by Mom Dot. Because my information seems to have been so "generously" shared and detailed...although I will state that the details in these tweets are clearly misinformed, out of time line, and clearly NONE OF ANYONE'S FUCKING BUSINESS. I also encourage you to continue to be a member of a community that does love to breed controversy as my personal life so clearly became a hot topic in a forum for enjoyment. Or hell maybe just in an email but regardless, the two involved ARE members, very active members of that community. Which further suggests that the negative behavior of public humiliation, belittling and degradation is A FUCKING OKAY with these people. I would love to publicly humiliate...man...I would be such a big girl to do that.

To post pictures of random strangers and discuss their situations may they be unfortunate with other random strangers and call it "fun" or "comedic" hell albeit fucking hysterical right...just a joke.

FUCK YOU and you know who you are. Are those tweets a fucking joke to any of you? If so....I dare you to leave me your FULL NAME to leave up for public humiliation. I also dare.....no....I challenge the lowly individual who so PROUDLY created this account with the original intentions of bashing MY friend Kristin, whether you like her or not, who then decided to turn the object of their desire to me...I CHALLENGE you to come to my blog and apologize to me. Furthermore I CHALLENGE the cretin and or CRETINS who acted in such a distasteful, vulgar, unbecoming, and plebian manner to PUBLICLY APOLOGIZE to myself and Kristin on Twitter and on a blog post that shall stay posted for AN ENTIRE WEEK. To allow those who read it to show their disdain to you. To show you how much of an uncouthful coward you were and are for hiding behind anonymity, your keyboard, and indecency. I also challenge Miss "I am the Community and this is my blog" so shoot me an email...we'll discuss the details like adults.

Working Hard for My Money

Can you hear Donna Summers? I can. Brings me back to the 80s. So I read this post and maybe some of you did too about getting paid to blog. Now before I get hit with tomatoes and you all decide to leave nasty comments that I will leave for everyone to see....and guess what...I don't respond with nastiness...so comment away. Why do people feel some entitlement to be paid to blog? I mean I can understand if you are hired by a company i.e. Mattel, DeVry Institute, Daimler Chrysler, HBO Films, etc then I can see a paycheck being yielded for services DELIVERED. You, as a writer for aforementioned company could yield a paycheck.

But blogging because you are a stay at home mom who originally started out as just a stay at home mom who blogged about life as a stay at home mom who is now a semi-interesting blog that does some product reviews and did some giveaways in the past does not entitle you to be paid. Why? Let me explain.

You are a mom. That is a job right? Yup. Where is the effing money for that job? Oh, you mean you don't get paid to do that job like the Nanny, the babysitter, the daycare service that watches your child when you actually go to a JOB that pays you a check? Or how about that maid? Do you get $180 a month to clean your own house? Nope. Or better yet, how about the lawn service....are you being paid the same amount as (phonetic for you here) Hey Seuss (Jesus) to mow the lawn, rake the leaves? Right.  You see you got into blogging as an outlet, as most did.

An outlet to share angst, pain, sorrow, frustration, pain, and all the in between of being a mom. So your blog became popular because women, men, and the like enjoyed your readings, maybe they still do enjoy your readings, in fact maybe your posts resonated with the audience. Then one day PR approached you. A simple, hey would you try this out, we will send it to you for free and you write about it. Okay. No harm, plus its a free product. Really, who would turn down free schtuff? Heck my family is known for free schtuff, ask my sister Brittany Greer, my step-dad, his motto for the last 20 years "If It's Free It's for Me." You take said product, try it out, see if you like it, family likes it. You tell your family and friends and then you blog about it. Mission accomplished. I like some products and some I do not...I say so...my kids say so....or if we like the product but do not like features...we say so about that too. YOU SAY SO.

When did that become a paying job? Like motherhood? Or better yet I actually went to the panel. Someone who knows diddly shit about blogging, social media, product reviews, I went to the husband. I asked him.

"What do you think about bloggers who do product reviews suggesting or even going as far as demanding and asking for pay for "time and services" to review a product?" Guess what he said.....

"So what, they are whoring out their blog for cash? They feel they have some entitlement because PR ASK'S, yes ASK'S them to review a product? Do they keep the product too?" I nod in acceptance. "Sounds to me that is more prostitution....that would be like charging your husband for a handjob when you don't feel like telling him no...you aren't in the mood or charging him hourly rates for the few seconds he lasts in bed when you should have told him NO."

From the mouth of a man. Who has nothing to do with blogging. Who really, doesn't know all the in's and out's of my blogging, my product reviews, social media, etc, etc. He just sees that I am a happier person, that I am not working my ass to the bone everyday in an office, that I am home with our kids. I blog to share my experiences as a mom, woman, wife, inner child, and human out of my head and I would rather type it because thank the heavens for Bill Gates and freaking spell check because my handwriting would be chicken scratch in a journal. He sees that blogging has given me an outlet besides our awesome therapist and besides arguing with him. I go blog because I like to, and no one has to pay me to do this job.

If I get some products along the way that my kids or family enjoy and hey some PR company gets some piddly exposure on my blog for it...so be it. Whatever. They get the same exposure by hiring my granny to pass out "All Natural TAY COES, please Come try some TAY COES, ALL NATURAL, 100% NATURAL" at the frozen food aisle of Costco. Only granny doesn't get to take home and eat those TAY COES, I do.

I don't need my blog to tell me I have self worth. I don't need bloggy or PR windbags to justify my worth or influence. I don't need numbers. Stats. Followers. Minions, sheep, or a fracking forum and online community to tell me about my self worth.

Why? Because I am a 31 year old woman, wife, mother. I put myself through college while married, raising one, birthing twins during a class, thus raising three all while going to COLLEGE. I wasn't awarded the luxury of college right after high school or wealthy parents. I also worked full time since I was 14, then from my home as a successful loan consultant at the age of 25. I have worked for multi-million dollar franchises and Fortune 500 companies. I have been a manager before most ass hats were even figuring out their college major (yes at 20 I was a manager). I am beautiful, snarky, have an IQ that would make the temperature of a hot, July, Arizona summer cry. I also have a heart of gold, am loyal, friendly and genuine. I have friends in REAL LIFE and friends online, and guess what. THEY COULD CARELESS  what my stats are, my followers, my tweets.

No one pays or paid me to be a mom. I made a CHOICE! I made a choice to become a mother. Just like I made a CHOICE to blog, I made a CHOICE to do product reviews, giveaways, and promotions, PR doesn't shove anything down my throat. In fact a lot ask....and I kindly say...not at this time...or that is not right for my family...just like PR says to bloggers who have approached them....See how this is a two way street. I choose to do it, because I enjoy it. Just like I enjoy being a mother. So if you want to pay me for being a mom....I think I may have resentment, just like other paying jobs I have had in the past. If you want to pay me to blog....I hope the payment is for a topic or product I like...because I only speak the truth on every level. The jobs I love and enjoy are the ones I don't have to yield a paycheck, but if I get something out of it, like a product or even a PRODUCTIVE child and adult who has their own self worth....I can sleep at night. Thank you, Good Day.

My Conversation

The virtual diary. The Weblog of old and blog of new. A typepad diary to release inner demons, woe on politics, spew nonsense on the grandest scales, possibly invent a new comedy facet even Shakespeare could revel.

Diaries are not always meant to be read while others are published; some are for shock value, some are for reciprocal relations (not feeling alone in the world), and some are just written diarrhea that communicate nothing but allow us something else to stare aimlessly into a monitor.

While I am not "expert," self-proclaimed "guru," or self-proclaimed "top blogger" I do claim to be full of shit. Honestly. I have a lot of minutiae in my life that has molded me into the productive human being I am today. For example, I have been laboring in the employment arena for over 15 years. I am also an adult-child of an alcoholic. You want to know about alcoholism and how the "disease" (for lack of a better word) can destroy a family ask me so, I can tell you first hand. I can also share with you the art of being proactive, rather than reactive. Although sometimes reactions can be fun if you really want to spice up your dull suburban life. Other experiences include the loss of lives, lives I took part in creating but clearly an upperhand had other plans beyond my control. Experience life on drugs, the detox, share how even a prescription drug to keep you from feeling nuts can send you into a downward life spiral of dementia, then rising again anew.

Sometimes my blog makes sense. Sometimes my blog is a surprise of epic proportions where I can show the Skittle rainbow and then taketh away by showing you the dark depths of an inner child scorned by hurt and deception, smoke and mirrors. Sometimes I engage you in a comedic touch and others I attempt to engage you in a conversation and they aren't always superficial or "socially acceptable."  I also am in no way attempting to win any award, although I have some friends that I cherish who think I invented sliced bread and award me so, for them, I am full of heart, eternally grateful. (aka Ally,

Which brings me to a blog post I read today from a bloggy friend of mine who feels she is not of influence. What is influence really? Influence as I understand the meaning is that an action will have an effect. Sounds scientific...possibly not. I look at influence and the laws of cause and effect from a Buddhist standpoint.  For every cause there is an effect. Example: A lonely cow is in her field, she sees a herd pass, she joins the herd. The cause a herd passes your path, the effect, you become part of the cattle. (see where I am heading)

For example, the effect of turtling (hanging in one spot and one spot alone) where the flow of any traffic is impeded, the effect is that traffic will begin to gather around. That is not a gravitational pull, but your wide ass obstaining from moving, thus preventing in some cases bloggy constipation. However, if you act as a honey bee, visiting flower here and flower there, the results may not be immediate, but the effect is cross pollination, pollination period, the want of the flowers, for you the honey bee, to return each and every time. I felt my bloggy friend is very much the honey bee, while others are turtling excrements merely taking up space.She is the steady and constant bee on her pollination route, and one season soon, she will reap the rewards of all she has sown.

Blogs, emails, posts, Tweets, texts, and phone calls can all be a conversation. Short and sweet. Long and meaningful, or merely scripted fum is chum or is it Chum is Fum for the masses to gobble. (Yes that is a SpongeBob reference.....) Either way, the influence is the effect that is caused by what was said, how did you resonate in that individual (the cause), good or bad, he or she is clearly reaching for conversation, whether you choose to listen or answer proactively is up to you, because I see that both listening and proactive responses are participation in a conversation. You cannot converse if someone is not listening, and even when you think you are alone in your conversation, someone, just someone may be listening. Hold steady, hold true, and do not lose your love and feeling for your conversation. The cause of conversation is in effect influence.

Plays Well With Others: Kindergarten Lessons

Recently I have been the proud parent of a semi-defiant, attitude riddled, six year old boy who properly dropped the "F" bomb at school in proper context. His outed behavior, society, and a certain community are something of a lesson to be learned.

Lately I have seen buzz, tweets, blogs, posts, blah blah blah about drama drama drama. Here is my fishy take on drama based on the sayings from a wise man, "You are who you associate yourself with."

Roger. Are you scratching your head? Let me say this, if you hang out with people who generate drama, incivility, rudeness, egoism, then you will attract the aforementioned. Maybe you are saying, but I still generate drama and I am "not even doing anything." Again, possibly guilty by association.

My son, he was guilty by association. He associated himself with a behavioral heathen. The boy he was hanging out with had ZERO disciplinarian action at home, clearly. I am sure he is a good boy, but he lacks structure and he happened to rub off on my son who in turn morphed into a behavioral heathen for a few days.

I have seen grown adults act in this manner. Everyday. At work. The store. On the road. At my son's school at the parent pick-up line, and lastly the internet. People acting like a bunch of ninnies! Why? Attention. Chaos. The flat out fact they cannot handle being bored maybe, I am sure they have their unknown reasons.

Additionally, I have seen grown adults name call like a bunch of kindergarteners. I mean seriously!? Nonetheless surprising though when a U.S. Senator goes to such great lengths to call the President of the United States a LIAR! I mean really, great, your opinion, not a fact, and truly what was accomplished by such an action. Nothing. The jackass senator had to issue an apology, he had to grovel, for acting like a putz.

Which segues into why do people call names? Why belittle? And then why claim to support empowerment, community, comraderie, only to turn around when the first person is negative and call them a name? Have you seen the name calling? Troll. Bitch. Idiot. Fraud. Liar. Carpet Bagger (which is my fave....I don't think a lot of name calling ninnies understand the true meaning of this, brush up on US History would you). I am truly perplexed at the back stabbing capabilities and name calling of people. Actions such as these do not even render a school aged genre, but more of what is your point? What are you accomplishing?

My take....which take it or leave it, my feelings cannot be hurt.....my take on the situation of name callers, two faces, and hypocrites is that they do not know how to deal with people who:

1. Have a difference of opinion. Without different opinions life would be dull. Colorless. Bland. My personal intellectual level would drop if I did not have people around me with various outlooks, opinions. Opinions and beliefs are the spice of life, what makes life interesting, note worthy, promotes enlightenment to those who wish to embrace enlightenment with an open mind.
2. Harvest personal feelings of insecurity. People call names because all of the sudden they feel threatened. Hurt. Scared. They might feel less than, so rather than embracing, again, differences in other people, they call names almost like a  "fight or flight" mechanism. They belittle to the point where they themselves are reduced to an ethereal wisp of a soul and then they feel worse.
   
3. Exude a greater amount of personal success on various levels. Name calling and attacks happen too out of jealousy. I personally, I do not envy nor do I get jealous over tiddly things. If I see something that is better, nicer, etc I work harder, smarter, I create a balance. I assess do I really want that and what that better something brings? What are the consequences if any? By embracing that someone has something better, commend them, ask them, "Hey that is awesome, how did you start to end where you are?" People with REAL success do not have to tote it around like a monkey on their back, they do not have to go to great lengths to say "Hey! Look at me! I am a success!" You know the ones, the douche-bag  type that goes and buys a Bentley when he says he cannot afford to pay the employees in his company. Even though they act like a douche, you don't tell them, no reason, you get nowhere that way.

I think a lot of people were taught the correct thing to do in the face of adversity. He or she was taught to embrace, kill people with kindness and get other people talking. If someone comes and bags on what you say, my response would be:

"I appreciate your feedback, but I do not appreciate your insults. What is your take on the matter, I would really like to hear other's opinions?"

This comment will generate a conversation and not an insult fest. If you reply like this:

"Ok Troll. Go FUCK yourself." (Now I am going to go Google Earth your house based on your IP and post for everyone to see how stinking cool I am"

Really...not cool. Besides if someone comes back with their reply, listen, if you don't agree. Say I really appreciate your feedback. People like to be validated. We all do. If our feelings and opinions are not validated then we also go on the attack. Children do it, adults do it. People have feelings and opinions and they should always be respected whether you agree or not. The spice of life, differences, beliefs, color, how boring life would be if those elements were missing.

So next time you run into a sticky situation of playing well with others consider what was said before, is there really any point to belittling and name calling? Be the bigger man, grow a pair and be kind (rewind...ha sorry!) and check out these great ideas from Robert Fulghum, who wrote the book "All I Really Need to Know I learned in Kindergarten."

Random Thoughts Tuesday: Craptastic

What a week right? It's only Tuesday Mrs. Fish, what could you possibly be rambling on about now?

Seriously a rough week.

My weekend was awful. DH and I had our anniversary in the middle of the week. Arranging a babysitter in the middle of the week is quite possibly as entertaining as squeezing blood from a turnip. Saturday rolls around and we are in high hopes of a sitter to entertain ourselves for our semi-annual dating ritual. FAIL. Yeah not so much. But I made up for the failure by attending a great soiree with my bloggy pal Kelly Loubet which I will post later for you all to gawk and squawk on.

Family also fails at that. Not that my family should be the responsible party for watching my children on my NINE YEAR faithful wedding anniversary, but the thought would be quite wonderful. Which speaking of family. I have a sister. You know that right? Yeah, she blogs over at the Greer 5. I think you all know her I used to, she doesn't come around here anymore. Not sure why on that considering we live in the same metropolitan area and area code. Sad really.

My father, a genetic fail. I received a "bob" auto dialer call today where they are looking to collect on his unpaid debt. Kthxbai, how the hell did you get my home number douche bag? I am unlisted. Both of you. Collected and Sperm Donor. Keeping with the theme of douche bags, yet two more calls come in, again one looking for family that does NOT, nor has ever, lived at our residence and the other for DH's ex wife. Yeah, he had a starter wife, she sucked. Couldn't even take care of a puppy, hence why he married me. Queen of all things domestic, financial, and debate worthy. Oh and her IQ was about as high as a cricket, I do possibly recall that Forrest Gump may have carried a higher IQ than she. Moving on, so yes we received these calls, fantastic. Time to change the number again, and to be unpublished.

In more craptastic random news, film at eleven, my star son. Oh my dear boy, my Einstein who failed today in every possible societal way. Hitting. Kicking. Cursing. Oh yes, I knew the day would come. That one day that dear boy would drop the biggest bomb on some teacher and boy HOW did he in the largest LDS populated school district. I am quite impressed however at his proper pronoun-verb-adjective utilization. Quite frankly to describe and verbalize that your classmates are fuckers is rather impressive. I boast at my use of the word fuck as a noun, pronoun, verb, adjective, so he must have achieved his oral expressionism from me. Either way, he has lost privileges and is now well on his way to "earning" them back through child slave labor....and by that I mean chores. I have to say we handled the situation well considering the craptastic circumstances. No tempers lost, no yelling. We like this way of parenting, more effective.

Oh yes and finally what is with everyone? I am assuming all the craptastic phenom is related to the full moon. Dogs humping babies, cats and dogs licking each other, kicking, cursing and fighting, seriously, get over it. I mean if you have a beef, get your beef on, grill some up, but for the love of Pete, slinging mud like a sou, really, so unbecoming. Anyway, lots more randomness but I will not keep you here. Go check out more random thoughts and rantings with Keely, The Un-Mom.

STUPID

How to address the word?

Adjective, noun usage in a statement, declaration, question, pronoun, formal title (stupid ass)

I think stupid is a pretty broad word, you might get creative and use words like dolt, dull, dumb, dense.

In fact Merriam-Webster defines the word as:

1 a : slow of mind : obtuse b : given to unintelligent decisions or acts : acting in an unintelligent or careless manner c : lacking intelligence or reason : brutish
2 : dulled in feeling or sensation : torpid
3 : marked by or resulting from unreasoned thinking or acting : senseless
4 a : lacking interest or point b : vexatious, exasperating car won't start> (Merriam-Webster, 2009)

So imagine my stupid surprise when I received Big G's progress report. I was saying but of course in awe of how well my child is progressing with kindergarten and this explained much of his boredom and troublesome behavior. He receives tickets rising in color much like a  soccer penalty for talking too much not my boy, rough-housing and playing in line, just normal kid stuff to which the rules are enforced so children understand proper behavior in school. My awe was not just his intelligent progression but the comment. Yes. THE COMMENT. DH says I am over analyzing, but I have an issue with this statement that I will outline in BOLD:

Needs to be reminded to keep hands to himself when playing or upset, and not to use words like "stupid"

Now I really should not be too upset but I have a problem with this statement. Why not use the word stupid? If he is calling people stupid that is one issue, but that was not specifically addressed. If Big G is doing that (calling people stupid), I will for SURE put the kibosh to that minutiae. He is not to call anyone stupid until he gets his own job, moves out and deals with the stupid people on his own.  Then I can let him know "I told ya so" when he tells me about all the stupid shits of the world.

But if he is saying SOMETHING or an IDEA or an activity is stupid then that is his feelings and opinion on the matter. Furthermore, the something, idea, activity, etc may very well be STUPID to my boy as the STUPID does not present an intellectual challenge for him. Meaning....it's stupid. I mean I would be more upset ROFLMAO had he said something was Effing stupid.

I would also have expected more in the student-teacher department of this statement on the report:

"Uses word stupid, might suggest using different feeling words or adjective to define feelings, such as I don't want to, I don't like it, it's boring, its not fun"

Do you see where I am going with this?

I think I might have been more receptive to that statement, rather than the vague, stupid unintelligible, statement leaving me to stew until parent teacher conferences in a MONTH!! Yeah...STUPID!!

What would you suggest? Do you have a problem with stupid? I know I have a problem with some stupid, but not to define something that does not engage my child in an intellectual fashion of his liking.

What do you think?

I'm Dreaming of an HMO

The health care debate is probably the HOTTEST topic since former President Clinton got his cigar wet with Monica Lewinsky. Admit it. We ALL are talking about it. We ALL have a stance on it. We ALL want something done about health care in this country.

But let me ask you this.....who here has health care and is BITCHING about the plan Obama is suggesting? Just give me a quick raise of hands. OH, over 250 million of you. How many of you read my blog? How many of you think the health care plan Obama and Congress, who are insured by the way, are proposing is flawed?

Now how many don't think the plan is flawed?


**ME, Waving my hand wildly!!**

Before you go and hit the unfollow with Google and Blogger here my political rant for just a moment. There are roughly over 300 million people in this country based on the 2008 U.S. census bureau, of that number only 47 million are uninsured. I AM ONE OF THEM.

You got it. I have no health insurance. NONE. Nada. Zippo. Zilch, Zero, Nine, nothing to cover my family for basic office visits, vaccinations, check ups and gasp accidents in the event one of my kids needs to go to the ER for anything major. So the proposal of ANY health care for ALL people is fantastic, awesome, superb, fucking great, fabulous, sign me up. You see the hubs and I had our policy cancelled by his employer back in May. We were told they would no longer supply group coverage to the employees. Okay. Not good news, but the great news was that the coverage sucked a goats tail so we were eager to shop for our own private, self-pay policy. We found one too. One that was roughly the same payment each month but better coverage. But that was clearly a pipe dream. Let me explain why.

Yesterday while checking my mail, like any other suburban, desperate housewife day, I saw a few letters from our "proposed" insurance company. I was eager to open these envelopes like Christmas Day was upon me. I truly wish I had not been so eager. Here are the contents of the first letter. Ladies please enjoy my limited coverage reasons....(click to enlarge so you can see)

Do you see it? Do you see the exclusions for my coverage? That's right my tata's. Everything that outwardly shows I am female, my bosom, that which nursed each of my three children. You got it, they will not cover me tata's. But what I find funny in that, is had I not upgraded the girls to 2.0 I would be covered. So if I got breast cancer and a double mastectomy that would be covered, as well as the implants to replace the ones I lost, but did you know they won't cover you again if you get breast cancer again in the event any traces of breast tissue are left? You got it. A double edged sword. Now DH, well he was declined altogether.

Want to know why?

Well in 2005 when he was stressed to the hilt with a new job, excruciating back pain, and other environmental factors, he was told he has high blood pressure. Sure most people, most NORMAL people have elevated blood pressure when in pain. A body's normal reaction to pain, excitement, fear, we do not ALWAYS have perfect blood pressure. So when figuring out what was going on with him for pain, and getting a normal check up he saw a nurse practitioner. Let me repeat: A. NURSE. PRACTITIONER. Did you get that? A NURSE. Not a physician. Okay, so he sees her, she does a work up, does blood work, orders results, blah blah, takes said blood pressure. His blood pressure is ELEVATED. He explains his pain and environmental factors such as work stress, blah blah. She ignores this. She does not issue him to come back to see the DOCTOR to take his blood pressure again. She does not tell him, okay lets treat the pain (which we did ALL ON OUR OWN) and see what the pain management does for your blood pressure. Nope. She does what ALL health care practitioners do: ISSUE DRUGS.

Why?

Well this royally fucks your medical records, AND, AND they get their cut from the insurance companies, from the drug companies, they get bonuses, kickbacks, perks. The whole thing is a circle jerk of greedy bastards. You don't believe me? Go see a shrink. In a 10 minute session you will be diagnosed with depression or anxiety and put on meds just because of normal stress and everyday conditions in your life that talk therapy could help ease. Go, see for yourself. I did. Ruined my life for TWO years. But that's a whole OTHER blog post.

Said NURSE PRACTITIONER tells DH "Well, you are showing "SIGNS" of high blood pressure which may suggest you have a problem. Let's write you a prescription and see how that goes."

Now here is what I got out of that conversation "suggest" and "signs" which both tell me NO CLEAR DIAGNOSIS. No physician made any determination. No physician saw him. NO follow up to this appointment to suggest they look at him again. So here are the results:

You see there? Because he FAILED TO COMPLY with taking medication he is denied health coverage. FAILED TO COMPLY with something that was illegitimate. That was "suggested" not diagnosed, by. a. NURSE. Not a PHYSICIAN, A. NURSE. And so the health care saga continues where we now have to fight. Yes, we have to contact said DOCTOR's office to COMPLAIN and FIGHT that a NURSE "suggested "a diagnosis based on a single visit. Not multiple visits, not multiple blood pressure readings, not after the pain management of his ruptured discs, nope, just a flat diagnosis. Which the health insurance company took for gospel. Can you see it? At the bottom? Sorry DH, no health insurance for you. So we have to visit said doctor WITH NO HEALTH INSURANCE, to get a clear diagnosis. Where we have to PAY the whole kit and caboodle. Sure we cannot pay like many others and let it screw our credit when they send us to collections....but that's not how we roll.

Oh did I mention....this is the letter they provided to show you why they declined, or the reason for limiting coverage. You tell me.....where is my explanation? Oh, that's right...if I want a legitimate explanation I have to request it IN WRITING. And, if I am lucky in 30 days they will comply and send me a fancy letter written on behalf of their legal department that is so cryptic that I need a VCR manual as my dictionary to help me decipher.

Thanks for playing Let's Make a Health Care Deal.

I ask you....all of you.....ANY of you....the offering of a NATIONAL health care plan, which would be funded by tax dollars, is it really so bad? I mean you fork out thousands a year anyway in taxes AND health insurance premiums through your employer, why not lump it into one. Why not have the government regulate these greedy fucks who keep us healthy. Regulate the greedy corporate heads that run these insurance companies who determine whether or not we get coverage. Regulate care based on TRUE patient care and not quotas, bonuses, and kick backs! Hell give the docs a bonus for not seeing as many patients a year because we as a nation are choosing a healthier lifestyle, healthier living, healthier CHOICES! Give them a kickback for not writing as many scripts, for promoting wellness through healthier life choices such as diet, exercise, sleep, massages, fresh air, the REAL luxuries we want in life. We as a country were so busy regulating and deregulating banking that the silent thief that was fleecing all of us was HEALTHCARE. Health insurance companies, doctors, pharmaceutical companies. Did you know that they all still make and made profits despite our "recession"? Of course, health is big business, so why not bend us all over and not treat us to happy hour before hand, or at least a little foreplay.

What is even more funny is people talk about the costs of raising children. Some people are choosing not to have additional children because of the recession. What people are not telling you, is what the initial investment is to have those children. Not the lifetime commitment we as parents or future parents have agreed to, no, I mean the thousands of dollars we spend for OB/GYN care, delivery fees, physician's costs, hospital fees. Holy cow I spent less to close my house than I did to close up my c-section for my twins!!

The debate about death panels (EFF YOU Sarah Palin...you have insurane right? Kthx, thanks for playing!), undocumented immigrants, semantics, rhetorics, who is and who is not a liar is complete MINUTIAE!! You want to know my death panel? Not having ANY health care coverage on my bread winner, DH, not having health coverage on the loves of my life, DH and my three priceless children. That is my death panel. But the best part about insurance, life insurance! Yup, my insurance agent is trying to SHOVE life insurace down my throat. I can see why. 1. He gets a large cut for commissions, and 2. Might as well get paid out on my dying family who cannot afford to go to the doctor right? Amazing! I am sure there will be a kicker there though, the life insurance will fail to pay for the fact that we were negligent with our health because we could not afford the $200 fee just to walk in the door to see the doctor to care for our illness.

I want to know...what is the fight really about? The ones who are fighting and arguing are the ones WITH health care coverage. You know who they are....all 50 members of each party of the Senate,(100total) all some 500 members of the House of Representatives (if I can recall 8th grade civics correctly), all 250 plus million of you, including senior citizens who are already on national health care...yes that's right...Medicare is not private...government. Oh and the VA, the one that covers our soldiers, well that is government health care too...good enough for all of them right? The military, yeah they are government health care too, good enough to care for them and treat them and their families? Why not me?

Next time you go to argue about the health care debate, think about me, DH, Big G, Seth-en-stein, and my Little Bitty, who DO NOT HAVE healthcare coverage. Who cannot afford the exorbitant premiums of the private, self-pay health care, where the employer DOES NOT offer group health coverage. Next time you visit your doctor and pay your $20 copay, you think of me. How we are fighting to get coverage, the keep coverage, to afford coverage. Tell me....what is wrong with this picture!

Stupid is as Stupid Does: Random Thoughts Tuesday

 My first Random Thoughts Tuesday care of The Un-Mom. Love her.

Politics and the American people amaze me more and more everyday. I am surprised I do not suffer from chronic headaches with the unstoppable head shaking of "WTF are you thinking?"

This will probably be my one and only rant on politics and the American people asking why the hell would you not let your child see the President speak about education? Are you stupid? You think that this ONE man has that much power to brainwash small children for a matter of minutes? You dumbshits let your children sit in front of that boob tube for hours watching Ed, Edd, and Eddy and you are worried about a Harvard graduate speaking to children about staying in school, listening to their teachers and listening to their parents and staying the course so they can make something of themselves in the future. Oh, ok. I'll take my college graduate ass somewhere else...like Canada, France or the UK where they have socialized healthcare too. So I don't have to pay to give birth.

My bullshit meter is off the charts lately. I can smell it like a hound dog after a fox. Seriously I have this uncanny ability to tell when someone is bullshiting me. I don't always call them out because really...the situation gets a little harry when you tell someone to their face they are full of the smell brown poo spewing from their lips. Ew!! I guess I just don't understand why people do it or lie for that matter. I mean really...where are those lies getting you but into deeper lies to cover with more lies. Seriously, a kitty litter box is cleaner than that pile of minutiae. Not to mention that people fall all over that BS like the gospel.

Parents are also oblivious to the actions of their children. O.B.L.I.V.I.O.U.S. I used to be that way until I turned on the bullshit meter. I saw through my kid like he was a spectre. Honestly, Waterford wasn't nearly as clear as my boy. I started to talk to him about his actions. Hitting...gets you nowhere dear, use your words. Words strike harder than a fist. Tell them NO, do not hit, NO, that is not nie. If they lie about what they did to you, let it go and let karma run her course. I love Karma...she is a slow mover, but a helluva a biter.

To have kids and not to have kids. I mean I can understand if you choose to not have kids because you fully admit you are selfish and enjoy a life without them. I understand, that's cool. I used to be that way. I used to spend wastefully on fashion, shoes, the whole nine yards without the inconvenience of a child. Then I had one, then two more. I love them. I don't judge others for choosing not to have kids as long as they have made the rational decision to admit they don't have kids because they like being selfish. Cool. People who decide to not have kids because "we are in a recession" or "I'm just not ready" are FULL OF...yes the meter went off again. Sorry. But really, I got pregnant in 2007, birthed in 2008. DURING. A. RECESSION. I mean did we need to have Newt Gingrich tell us we were in a recession for it to be official? Or maybe SpongeBob for those with a learning curve. The whole I am not ready either...who the hell is ready? NO ONE!! You aren't ready for the second, third, a double, the triplets, no one is really ready as each child is different. You as a person (hopefully...I am being STRONGLY hopeful in this statement) grow and evolve so your parenting is different. Your views are different. Which let me disclaim this, since my wonderful bloggy friend reminded me that if we waited till we could afford kids.....we'd still be waiting to have kids, I found I was pregnant with Big G when I got "let go" from my job because they heard I was shopping for another one and in two weeks were we packing up our house to move out of state. So yeah, weren't ready and I didn't really have a set in stone job when I moved. Really!!

The writers of Forrest Gump must have been geniuses when they came up with this statement in the movie "Stupid is as Stupid Does"

That's my rendition of Random Thoughts Tuesday. Happy Tuesday and off to Wordful Wednesday!!

Am I living in a Hitchcock Movie

I wonder this so many times while cruising through the blogosphere. I guess I am blessed, lucky, per chance maybe that I have a great network of readers. Bloggers that truly have great content. I made a conscious decision the other day to "weed out" some true bullshit. Stuff that I was following for the sake of following but did not enjoy the content.

I am finding more like that everyday.

I kept my very special reads....who lately I have failed to comment....but at least I see them on Facebook so at least I can keep in touch that way, but I had other reads that were quite frankly airing on the side of feeling chagrin. You know that feeling....the one where it is like....SHEESH, are we going to beat that horse again. Or are we past that yet? I mean I truly feel like I am in an Alfred Hitchcock twist of the Twilight Zone because my bloggers that I did enjoy are now part of the disease infested bloggers that I did not enjoy. The blase ones who think they are superior and really they are no different, they just have a larger bank account and bigger PR backing. The ones who just want to wreak of misery and bullshit about "OMG, Girl, did you see what she wrote on her blog?" and the "Unt uh, no she didn't...I am so with her...I am so sick of that."

When did blogs turn into high school?

A bunch of women. Grown. Child rearing. Child bearing. Grandmotherly. Women. Who act like a bunch of juvenile brats? I guess like I said I was stuck in Smallville reading about how other mom's were struggling to maintain a level of sane like I was everyday. Frustrated about what to cook because frankly the day sucked and Pizza Hut, Papa Johns, Dominos, heck Taco Bell seemed more tantalizing than cooking. I was in Smallville enjoying the simple things of being a mom, the complex, the ordinary, the extraordinary, the fun, the sorrow, the laughs!! So when the hell did blogs turn into a "Well I am hanging with the cool chick and we are going to do this and take a stand" and when did women, who all share the same passions turn into enemies. Not even frenemies...well some, but not all. Was I in the twilight zone?

I guess this was my reason for not blogging either, other than my desire to read. To reconnect with my family and get through this hump of school and get back into a grind, a groove, the routine of life with my school aged son and now toddler twins!

I'm really curious if anyone knows what the deal is with blogs, with the bloggers? What happened to leaving well enough alone?

Smart Mouth Kids

I am amazed every day at what my kids will say. Especially now Big G who has done a few years of early learning before actually doing the whole kindergarten experience. Today, literally like 10 minutes ago DH challenged G to count to 20. Then he looked at me like.....WHAT DID I DO?!

Big G counted to 20, then 30, 40, all the way to one hundred and back. Needless to say the boy MAY get bored this year in kindergarten but we shall see.

Yesterday was like any other day. First day of school. The kid was wrecked as usual. His face was drained of any energy an life. I was left to pick up a five year old zombie in need of a fix of sorts. TV. The Wii. Brains. He got home explained to me his day and bolted to the Wii. Though I understood his fixation since he has been grounded since lat week. One of my many bargaining tools is the threatened loss and sale of that stupid contraption....although I use it for my Yoga.

After the Wii time he got a small snack before dinner. He ate and then proceeded to be a little pig. I try to give him credit, I mean he is five, a boy, and his father's son. Cleanliness is not a priority and neither is tidiness. However, when I spent MANY grueling hours scrubing my floors on my hands and knees (yes...I did...the whole OCD thing right) the hairs on the back of my neck began to raise as I sat at the kitchen table and heard the small tinkling of crumbs to my recently prisitne conditioned floors.

I look over my shoulder as I see my boy walking away, making a trail of mess as he goes. I told him to be more careful with what he was doing since he was dropping crumbs and making a mess (miniscule in comparison to other messes.....like the Squids) and here is his LOVELY response.

Well just go get the vacuum then Mom and suck up all the crumbs. Jeez!

Gods and naturistic forces kept me from grabbing his neck like a wet rag needing a good wring. DH looked at me with wide eyes....and I snapped back at him that any time he felt like getting off his too good ass to help in the Maid department that I have so rightly assumed over the years, he was more than welcome to let me have a single day off. Mum was the word from him.

I will give Big G about another year before I force that vacuum upon him and we'll see who was so smart, he will be so grateful to appreciate my cleaning and vacuuming skills then!

Parents Eat Free Night

Can you believe a night like that at a restaurant exists? I know I had not a CLUE that parents can eat free until DH made the lovely suggestion to go out to eat dinner last night.

WRONG!!! SO. EFFING. WRONG.

Thanks for playing babe, next time, listen to the wife when she says "Beware."

Let me explain. You see the shiny white round ball at night? We call that the moon. Once a month, usually about the same damn time Flo drops by, the white ball of fury is FULL. Which means that my sweet little squidy gnomes, turn into fire breathing, grimoire casting, horn bearing DEMONS.

Now Seth-en-stein, not so much. The Little Bitty.....O.M.G!!

Seriously the girl is on a rampage. No stopping her. A drawer in my kitchen was open every other second. Garlic press here, spoon there, spatula yonder.......you name it, she pulled it out. EVERY. EFFING. FIVE. SECONDS. Seriously, I contemplated putting a collar around her and a stake in the floor where the rope only had about two feet of play so she couldn't get into anything. Tupperware, stainless steel bowls clanging.

And then. When I thought her possession had passed and I did not have to contemplate my conversion to Catholicism to invest in a priest to perform an exorcism she did it. She pushed me.

Not physically, I mean she weighs a whopping 22 pounds sopping wet. She climbed up onto the dining table. Unloaded everything on it. Began to head for THE laptop, MY laptop, to hurl it like a discus in a track an field competition. So I told her NO one last time. And she screamed like bloody hell and I lost it. I walked away. I hid in a place where I could call her all the foul names I have called people that make sailors blush. And then I was fine. Until the hubs began debating the dinner debacle.

I hate dinner. Unless I have prepared a menu that week I hate trying to throw together dinner especially when I have been busy working all day. (Cleaning, blogging, gossiping with my mother...ya know...working!) No really, I have been fighting with a customer, I lost $2400 because he was scared of the FBI form....long story on that, and then the demon spawn of hell awoke from her monthly slumber. So we decided on a "kids eat free" deal! WOOT.

Not so much. Basically the dinner Gods said, "Hey Herrings, thanks for playing!"

So we venture to Coco's, which by the way has some fantastic desserts. And the whole thing is a joke from the get go. The 20 something doesn't know her asshole from a whole in the wall hostess puts us in a CORNER booth with twins. Um....yo.....where do we put not one, yes count them, TWO high chairs. Alrighty, a new adventure....BOOSTER SEATS!! Negative. Seth-en-stein was great, he was easy peasy pumpkin pie as Big G would say. Not the Little Bitty, oh no. Let's throw our Crocs across the table, eat crayons, and then SCREAM bloody hell again like someone was yanking her nails from the nail beds with a pair of pliers.

DH patiently pulls her from her stance, takes her outside. I order for the kids seeing as she is probably hungry, hence the extra dose of demonic presence, and I wanted there food there first so they weren't so cranky and then DH and I could order. They come back.....we go for round two. Negative. Even more ornery, tears, blood boiling screams, kicking. LOTS. OF. KICKING. He takes her back outside just as the food arrives. The boys eat. DH is waiting for me in the car....thinking I am gonna just bail. Um no, feed kids, then bail. He comes back, we try round three and she shows sign of interest in the tempting and toasty chicken nuggets only to begin her dive onto said table where we say EFF IT! DONE!!

As she blood boiling screams, I try to gather all the gear since traveling with a singleton and multiples is seriously a day trip safari the shit we pack. I fumble. He's impatient, barking begins, and my growls come back. I wanted to tell the Mo Fo...um had you listened at home when I told you going out to dinner was NOT a wise plan, we wouldn't be snapping at one another. So I take the boys to the car....yeah....car is not unlocked. So I stomp towards the front door and tell DH of his brilliant plan to send me to said car when I DON'T HAVE KEYS! I get the boys and the demon in the car....he pays.....the waiter trys to comp....not sure why. My kid is the asshole. Not like you had turrets for that moment and was freaking like she was. So we leave a hefty tip.....as a bribe that we promise never to return.

On the ride home....incessant screams, cries, no comfort in sight. Not even the blankie. I sit in total silence wanting to be a childish brat and rant this to DH:

"Nah Nah asshat! See I told you!! Not a good idea to go to dinner. Getting out of the house was not good. I told you she was a demon today, she is out of hand, you think I am menstrual....nice...nice excuse. See I WAS RIGHT!!!"

But I sat there. Completely, totally, utterly, emotionally toasted from keeping my cool, holding in my bittersweet victory. I got home.....and BALLED.

I was starving, since I didn't get to order and not hungry all at the same time from all the chaos and BS of dealing with my baby girl who just needed to go to bed I guess. We tossed her in jammies and she drifted peacefully to sleep. The boys went to bed just as easily.

And then I made myself the best gall dang breakfast burrito!!

Eggs, sausage, hickory smoked maple bacon, fresh diced potatoes and FRESH, oh yes, FRESH homemade tortillas sprinkled with cheese. I ate till I felt like the fattest cat around. Like I was the most depressed woman crying into her Haagen Daas....in my case.....my papas y frijoles. Watched some bad TV and then went to bed before 11pm. And that my friends is how parents eat free on a Kids Eat free dinner night.

My Most Reliable Appliance

My appliances have caused me a great amount of grief lately. Truly I begin to despise them as they throw a kink into my absolutely (perfect) functioning, chore completing world. Especially since I fired the maid, chef, and laundromat for the next 16 or more years requiring I do these tasks on my own.
Okay, really I did not fire them....but man I wish I had help like that on some days.

So my appliances must truly hate me. The first appliance to go was the washer. Easy fix, we bought new ones courtesy of a large "donation" from DH's boss a few years ago, I got a fancy front loader and matching dryer. (see my abundance of laundry in my utility room....it looks much more organized now....HA!)

LOVE IT!!

The next appliance to take dump was the water heater....when I was 8 1/2 months pregnant with the twins. Yeah, that was fun. Prego with water gushing everywhere and the water wasn't mine....needless to say when you are as HUGE as I was where even the XL maternity clothes were not fitting and you see gushing water....you wish it were yours and prayed for mercy. So a trip to the Home Depot later and voila! New water heater.

Another appliance to slowly make an exit was a MUCH needed appliance in any HOTTER THAN HELL household....the air conditioner. My A/C unit was as old as the house, which is as young as me....not energy efficient, always running, never cooling.... I'm seeing a pattern. Anyway. We replaced that bad boy last September and I have been in heaven since. I have to wear a light sweater at times.

LOVE IT!

So again I had an appliance take another dump......again......I was fuming with frustration. Seriously I never have problems with appliances. The washer again began to act up....luckily I had my wits about me to research the error code to find that the problem was a clogged boot. Yes, on the bottom of front loaders is a lint boot that catches everything. I do mean everything. The smell was ripe! I mean I have smelled rotting flesh that smelled fresher than the stench emulating from that washer. Candles were lit and doors opened to air the shit ass stench! P YOU

In fact this is what was pulled out from the washer and let me tell you what they are: a bra underwire (clearly mine unless someone is wearing this for moobs in this house), two dimes, a penny, a one dollar piece, a house key that was trashed already and a breast feeding pad. One of those you use to soak up your let down so you don't walk around looking like a wet cow all day. That was the NASTIEST thing I had ever seen. Took some investigation, but N.A.S.T.Y!

Now on Monday night we finally had our first "monsoon" for the summer. Just like sex though, hot, wet, quick, and after it leaves, sometimes a bit disappointing. So the old summer storm rolled in bringing lots of thunder, rain, lightning. Well the lightning I suppose caused a problem for some folks. Namely me. You see I have this appliance that washes dishes for me....so I do not have to stand over a sink ruining my beautiful hands.

Yes, that appliance. The appliance that if died again would be the bane of my existence! I hate dishes, laundry I can handle. Dishes, I CANNOT! Not sure on the reasoning, probably all the nasty food issues and yuck. But I am not a dishes girl. So this appliance failed to work, resulting in a service call. The guy came out, charged $69 and voila, fixed. He pulled the panel off, reset it, bam, works again. DH was not happy with this but as I suggested....not like he was going to dig around in the old dishwasher.

So this post brings me to the only reliable appliance I own in my house. This appliance needs no batteries. No switches. No need to turn off or on. I am always so thankful this appliance is there when I need it most.

(picture courtesy of Eden Fantasys)

Blase Blah Blah Blase

Yeah can you so tell I am feeling a funk again. Must be because I have a million things going on at once and I am so behind on my 'To Do' List. Seriously, I even have an ELECTRONIC to do list on my sidebar here on Vista........you see.I have some checked off but not all, some personal some blog, some I do not even have listed. Plus some days of my life really are not blog worthy and I refuse to bore anyone with how mundane and snooze filled my life can be. Granted, twins keep you on your toes, but who wants to hear about Big G and the twins sword fighting, all day, with spatulas. Funny stuff, but not always blog worthy. And I refuse to stoop to the blog or V-Log level of "Lets talk about MJ" or "Lets talk about Jon and Kate's divorce" or "How we are going on strike for a month from PR."

Seriously?!

I have no one to answer to but myself. If my fabulous bloggy friends would like me to answer to you....TOO BAD! You know it, heck I have no expectations about your life and what goes on, that is your business and if you want to share GREAT, if not GREAT TOO!

Anyway back to my million things, the one of my million things that I did not share in all my blase blah blah crap is that I graduated college this year. Yeah, I did the "I'm going to grow up first and not blow shit tons of money on college and not finish in my 20's. I am going to grow up and work and then blow shit tons of money on college and finish....before I'm 40!" I am on that plan...still on that plan. Have to take my LSAT's build a portfolio, yeah lots to do if you want to argue for a living. So I finished college and tomorrow is my big day!

I am participating in the commencement ceremonies at the University of Phoenix Stadium in Glendale where I will be walking with like 1000 other people! Cool huh?! Yeah I am stoked, but been so busy to get really stoked about it....which sucks! I mean I should be like every other college grad out getting hammered.............and passing out puking. ICK, gosh I used to be that stupid, now I am a lame old fart who has a few and just passes out before 10pm. WOOT, I am such the life of the party! WOO WOO! No really, so I am excited and wanted to share with you all in case you care, or are super curious, or want to poke fun at me, because I have a fear I will trip and fall flat on my fat face tomorrow! So here is the linky for the commencements, the ceremony begins at 10:30am Arizona (Pacific Daylight Time) time. So please feel free to watch the ceremony, cheer me on through your virtual portal and laugh with me when I fall on my face, and then leave me a comment hoping I am okay!

www.phoenix.edu/graduation