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Evolution of Woman driver

The Five Fish: Evolution of Woman driver

Tuesday, September 01, 2009

Evolution of Woman driver

This will be my little pictorial for evolution of a woman driver. 
I hope you find this as enjoyable as I did when I tripped down memory lane....
I also totally understand now why women are recipients of grief surrounding their driving abilities. I also hope that MEN see why we evolve into such terrible drivers. We go from one extreme to the next with our vehicles. So evolving with our vehicles is a bit of a challenge.
Let us take a gander at the exhibits:
My first REAL car that DH and I bought. (I was 20 in this pic)

Little flashy? Sure. Fast? You bet! 1996 Chevy Camaro RS

Then I started working in the car business circa 1997 ish.....and guess what we got in on trade in 1999
Yup, a 1997 BMW 318ti. Cheap payment too...LOVED that car!!
But then we got engaged. We were planning a wedding....and our future...maybe some kids.
So we did the dumbest thing ever
We traded in the perfectly good BMW for an Oldsmobile.
Can you say STUPID!! Yea....
Supposedly we needed a sedan right away since we thought we might be having kids like
right right after the wedding, like I would get pregnant immediately.
So we got tired of that hunk of metal and I was BURIED like a casket in that car. Luckily I worked in the car business so used cars were a dime a dozen and the easiest way to get out of some negative equity
and the only thing to absorb negative another cash cow American vehicle
And so I bought a Mustang. I really love Mustang's....just not that year....I was thinking a 1969 fastback. You know the one right....Steve McQueen....Bullet! Yea, thats more my style. But then I got the hankering after driving this get back into an import as I loved the fast imports.
And's only 2002 by now so I need a new car.

The Lexus IS300. My pimp daddy ride of all time. This car was fast. It was sleek. Stylish. It had all carbon fiber on the inside and a racing shifter. Leather seats. It screamed HOT mama for me. But as you can see from the pic I am clearly NOT a mama not a mama....and what was even more pathetic....
I thought I was FAT!
I was a whopping 128 ish maybe! Yeah and I thought I was fat....where? On my toes? Okay. Back to the cars and the evolution of a woman driver. Well that was 2002 ish or so and then WHAM! 
So I had the sedan (see above) but the car seat was so not copascetic for the back seat of the Lexus...At.All.
Why not get another Lexus!!??
Oh, my SUV, yuppy, mama, pretentious bitch car. I loved that car. The soft italian tan leather.
The six disc in dash CD player.
All the creature comforts any yuppy snob would want.
Except the payment sucked ass!
And when you start staying at home with your kid.....not making any cash......the car has gotta go.
So we sold that poor girl too. I actually went without a car for about 6 months saving some cash.
Until I couldn't take it anymore. Again, we did the most responsible thing possible.
Bought this
Real Smart!
Hey, at the time it was perfect. Diesel was only like $1.99 a gallon while unleaded was $2.50 or something totally crazy like that. It hauled the three of us comfortably, with all the dogs and our gear when we would travel. Big G loved it. I loved it. People got the HELL OUT of MY WAY! (loved that!)
We got pregnant.....AGAIN.


DH was driving an Acura TL.
I brought him over to the snobby ass, drive an import luxury car dark side.
I had the big truck.
Have you seen a LARGE pregnant woman maneuver her bulbous ass in and out of a lifted four wheel drive?
Not pretty. Not easy either. 
His car wasn't cutting it either.
So we did what all responsible drivers and car owners do......
Trade 'em in
And here is where the evolution went from one extreme to the other. Based on all previous vehicles speed was highly optional considering the performance factor of these vehicles. Or at least the fabulous aesthetics and damn nice creature features. I could rocket all over the place in each of those vehicles. I have the shoddy driving record with SEVERAL recorded and unrecorded tickets.
I actually got 4 red light camera tickets....but my plates were out of state so they went to my old address....
and damned that I didn't live there anymore to get them in the mail with my face on it.
As I said we were responsible. Now with children numbered two and three on the way. We began shopping. We needed that vehicle to haul all three kids, especially two in infant carriers and car seats.
Lucky for Daimler Chrysler, they overhauled the look and features of their flagship vehicle in their fleet.

I am a damn sucker.
I swore. I promised. 
I cursed ever driving a gall dang
But I sucked it up.
I am that mom. I am that woman driver. 
I am damn proud to drive a minivan to haul all three of my kids, my fat ass dog, stroller, luggage, groceries, the husband, the trash, plywood, bikes, I can haul anything in that thing. I even have a bumper sticker....
"walk on the wild side....have twins"
They wonder why we drive like shit.
We go from driving a vehicle like Al Unser's to driving Miss Freaking Daisy in a minivan.

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