Blogs are Heartbreak Warfare

While jogging tonight I suddenly was overwhelmed by emotion. A huge sweeping wave that I have been fighting; for how long who knows. Tears came streaming and I fought them, I fought the burn. I used the excuse of the cold night air and the fact I just sprinted three-quarters of a mile, the burn in my chest, the ache, just the run. Then I smelled manure. Yes, that is it, just the manure for the rye grass seed of the prima Donna yards of the Arizona winter.

The burn faded as I began to power walk and breathe swiftly, the manure had subsided, the wave was now a tsunami. What was this feeling, why the onset of sadness, the overbearing feeling of emotion beating at my chest, weighing on my heart and mind. I felt as my head were in a tailspin, my eyes gravitated to the night sky to gaze upon the stars to ease this ache. My iPod was shuffling songs with varying beats per minute to keep me in line with my jog when finally I was floored by John Mayer.

I had listened to the song many times before, not a problem. Suddenly this song meant so much more to me today, at this moment than it ever had before. I realized the pain I was feeling was that of the last year and most recent events in my and others lives. The cost was my emotional toll of all these events. So much of my own emotion has been laid ever so bravely, albeit sometimes foolishly (to always wear my heart on my sleeve), with my blog. I have watched others do the same. Most recently a mother who experienced the most horrific tragedy fell victim to more pain because of her choice to bravely share an experience, to avoid her solitary confinement of despair, shock, and grief. Others have been victim to bad blood of failed business relations, failed friendships, even families are ever divided. In some situations the division could equate to infamous literary feuds: Montague v. Capulet and Hatfield v. McCoy.

Each story a heart, each heart a soul, and for each soul is one person sharing his or her story. Most share the story out of love, the love of writing, the love of life, the love of children, the love of their story because so many feel their pain, their joy, whatever the distinguished emotion, their situation is not exclusive, and yet so often we look at the blog, the tweet, the update as true social media, notwithstanding the true MEDIA aspect of news. Our posts are not FOX news, a breaking story from CNN, but a simple soul, an individual sharing their love for their life and the experiences they share no matter how callous, heartless, devastating, shocking, appalling, or deplorable.

Our blogs, our updates, our Tweets have become quite literally, and thank you John Mayer, Heartbreak Warfare. Jealousy fuels because of the lack of PR exclusivity, bombs of hate between former friends (and family) who cannot come to civil terms, families feuding for lack of understanding, compassion is the last to be shared by those involved or by the trippers. I am truly saddened by the many events of this year; the loss of my grandfather, the deterioration of the relationship with my sister (which if you know me and my blog, I have always shared such a special love for her), the deterioration of my friend and her sisters relationship, friends driving knives deeper and deeper, people being petty, not wanting to eat crow, swallow pride for the sake of humility, maybe even an ounce of humanity, compassion. No one has to be the best of friends, but a bit of human compassion could be called upon, only more pain is what remains.

I leave you with the lyrics to this song that resonated such powerful emotions within me, also my farewell into the New Year as I reflect on the year that was, the year to come, and my hope for this holiday is that the ugly line to fade and people start crossing the lines into humanity, compassion, empathy.

Our blogs are not news, we are people, ALL of us. We all have a heart, a soul, we all feel at some level.

Lightning strikes
Inside, my chest to keep me up at night
Dream of ways
To make you understand my pain

Clouds of sulfur in the air
Bombs are falling everywhere
It's heartbreak warfare
Once you want it to begin,
No one really ever wins
In heartbreak warfare

If you want more love,
why don't you say so?
If you want more love,
why don't you say so?

Drop his name
Push it in and twist the knife again
Watch my face
As I pretend to feel no pain

Clouds of sulfur in the air
Bombs are falling everywhere
It's heartbreak warfare
Once you want it to begin,
No one really ever wins
In heartbreak warfare.

If you want more love,
why don't you say so?
If you want more love,
why don't you say so?

Just say so...

How come the only way to know how high you get me
is to see how far I fall
God only knows how much I'd love you if you let me
but I can't break through at all.

It's a heartbreak...

I don't care if we don't sleep at all tonight
Let's just fix this whole thing now
I swear to God we're gonna get it right
If you lay your weapon down
Red wine and Ambien
You're talking shit again, it's heartbreak warfare
Good to know it's all a game
Disappointment has a name, it's heartbreak warfare.