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"I can relate"

The Five Fish: "I can relate"

Thursday, January 08, 2009

"I can relate"

I was blessed the other day with having a wonderful stranger come up to me to ask about the twins, which mind you happens every time I leave the house. Only this time the questions were so inviting and so welcoming. A fellow Mom of twins!

What normal Mom's do not understand (and this is not a bad thing) and cannot relate to is having multiples. Having twins, triplets, and beyond is a far greater challenge than having numerous singletons. Granted, I can relate to what life is like with three kids, but I can relate and have a greater understanding of what having three kids and multiples is like. Three singletons who are close in age are COMPLETELY different than having twins or triplets. Yes similarities exist in that more than one child is in diapers, however, they are NOT the same age, they are NOT doing the same thing and going through the same things at the same time. Nor were they BORN at the same time, so not the same. I get Mom's who tell me that all the time.

" kids are like twins because they are so close in age." No, sorry, your kids are not like twins.

HAVING TWINS is LIKE having twins.

This was the welcoming and inviting conversation I had with another Mom of multiples. She knew that Mom's who try to compare their singletons to your multiples are in a sense taking away what hard work, sweat, blood, tears, and every sacrifice in the world you have given as a mother and they are reducing that to nothing. Relating to having twins or any set of multiples is impossible until you have them. Even imagining life with multiples is beyond reach. I tried to imagine, I thought I could relate and would be no big deal. I mean I conquered a hellion boy to age FIVE that twins would be a breeze. Oh was I sorry. But after having the twins I could relate. I could relate to the total and utter lack of sleep, the feeling of being at a total loss, the feeling of defeat, unrest, unsure, and total exhaustion. Things are hard enough with one crying baby that tacking on another makes the situation even more dire. Who do you pick up first? Who do you feed first? Sure the answer is clear if there is someone there to help and if you are bottle feeding. But if you are by yourself and you are breast feeding......then it is just one else...left to fend, calm, and man-handle two infants.

I was reassured by my fellow mother of twins that I wasn't alone. She told me:

"My twins are six now. I thought I was never going to make it, that life was just impossible. It wasn't until six months that I finally told myself 'I'm gonna make it'."

And she was right!!! Finally, someone could relate to how insane I was feeling and my feeling of loss and just total craziness! I thought I was totally alone in all of this and that no one could relate. I heard a bunch of minutiae from other moms who said "they could relate" but they didn't have twins and they always wanted them. Which made me realize how my kids and I were a novelty to them. But finally!!! Someone who could relate. I knew at about the same time, when the twins turned six months and finally when they BOTH started crawling.....I'm going to make it. I have made it this far without totally losing my marbles that the rest of my earthly life with them will be absolute bliss and just a joy to watch. To have twins and describe their phenomenon does not do them justice. Only watching how they interact with one another and how they exist together is truly amazing and impossible to describe.

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