To My Oldest Son

My dearest boy. My ultimate lesson. My pure display of life. You grew within me, as me, a part of me for nine hearty months. I could not grasp that you were mine to have. That I had earned something so wonderful, so selfless, so magical. You came into this world with wonder and curiosity. You showed me patience where I thought I had none. 

Each day you showed me how I was a good woman to you, I was a good mother to you. But I saw even more how you were such a wonderful, god-send of a gift to me. I had my days and you had yours. I did what I needed as a new mom out of love, out of a so-called duty, working by some manual I had not received. We figured the job out as we went along.

Days were new learning experiences and each passing week still seemed so new. Again such a wonderment of life. Our first child. Our first lesson. My first lesson of life, of undying, unwavering, unconditional love. To give of myself to you in all that you needed. Just a pure awe of what two people can create. Your dad still could not believe who and what you were. Your looks in relation to one another were and still are uncanny. If not for my pregnancy photos no one would know you were mine. Except for my adoration for you.

You showed me how to love and live with each passing day, week, month, year. The joy of living in each moment as if it were all new to me again. Learning all the new details and curiosities and magical wonders of the smallest and largest things in life. All these moments were moments not to be missed. You fought sleep for this simple fact.

My dear boy your smile and laugh were and are contagious. People gravitate towards your giving, loving, and sincere light and energy. Such a unique soul that your dad and I claimed aliens would arrive to take you back home one day.

Your will and spirit can never be broken but with time you have tamed to become a little man. All grown up with your boyish charm. I cannot believe to this day that you are mine. My gift. My gift of life, my new life. I never thought the day would come where I could be a mother, let alone your mother. Your rock in our home, your point of origin to know you are always home wherever we went.. My ease at night after a long day, just to see your face, hear your laugh, and smell your hair.

I yearn for the times where I was the one you always wanted to protet you and tuck you in at night. To fight off all the "bad guys" with my super powers, but I find that I am only your second line of defense. Now you have your own powers, you can do so much on your own. Was it not just yesterday we were fighting diapers and bottles and sippies and underoos? Now I try to fight to keep you forever young. As forever in my heart you will not age, you are my smudge on an ultrasound, my scream in the night, the one who told me I was indefinitely a "mama." Where has my short time gone with you? Stop growing so fast.

I remember the day I took you to daycare and cried the day I had to leave you. Leave you without me to be there to answer for you and care for you in each and every need. Now I leave you to learn, to become more of the one-of-a-kind you are. Doing things your way. You now leave me to go off on adventures, to grow your self, to gather your identity more and more, and yet I still cry as I watch you grow. I so badly want to experience that with you. To carry your sadness, pain, hurt and fear, but all I can experience is my love to you in those moments where you need me for comfort.

I have never met someone who loved everyone and everything in life the way you do. No mean bone in your body, only a hug to share with all. I have watched you grow into an amazing young man and can only be amazed more and more at how truly wonderful of a person you are. To share all that you do, to love without boundaries, to give when you think someone has nothing, to never expect when your father and I have such higher expectations of what you should have. My simple boy who thinks the world of even the smallest, meager, gifts, never knowing any different.

Who could ask for anything more of a first child. I love you Grant-baby. I am so glad you had the best sixth birthday as I cannot believe I have been so lucky to share these years with you and so many more to come. A mother and father could not be more proud at your patience, your love, your giving, your selflessness, you my boy amaze me more and more. I love you. Happy Birthday!

Just Another Day

Yesterday was like any other day. Hotter than ever living hell here in Arizona, kids screaming and babbling since finding their voices, barking orders about what they want for breakfast, me drinking my coffee, enjoying my zen moment with my milky dark friend.

Yesterday was like any other day. I fought to take a shower because the kids felt the need to scream and carry on that I was locking them outside of a door they did not need to be behind (because this is what happens when they get behind said door)

and they (the Squids) also decided that the recycling bin is a great box that carries cool sounding toys and they unloaded that along my kitchen floor.

Yesterday was like any other day. My delusional father psycho dialed me (definition: called more than once in a single day or within a few short hours with no reason other than his own) all day to which I ignored his calls as usual.

However, while yesterday was like any other adult day I did have breakfast and lunch made for me on behalf of DH (which I totally enjoyed!!), I got a box of chocolates, cupcakes from my sister (who doesn't stinking love cupcakes??!!), a great E-card from a dear friend, and some cool balloons.

While I really wanted a damn parade and clowns (even though they are WAY creepy), getting older is not as fun as it used to be as a kid. But I really enjoyed taking a day all to myself to do what I wanted (for the most part) and spend time with the ones I love.

No expensive gifts, no party hats, no huge cakes, no strippers...damn....just a fantastic day to celebrate my age, since I really do like my age....so glad to not be in the "kid" category anymore. Plus one of the best and most heartwarming cards from my best friend who professed his love and wealth of love to me as he always does. And I got three smiling little faces who had no idea what the day was (with the exception of Big G) but were happy to share in the experience of losing their little minds slapping balloons and eating cupcakes.

Life is about the little things.

How did you or how will you celebrate your birthday this year!?

VGNO and Ann's Birthday

Okay, I have so failed to post pertinent blog fodder content...which I have plenty from this week. Let me tell you...but let me tell you first that this is my first VGNO (Virtual Girl's Night Out) and its a good thing....I am so behind. Yeah, you can consider me that drunk chick that you have to drive around because she is so stupid wasted! But seriously, I am getting there, I am getting caught up and playing. FO SHO! LOL

No really, I am getting around to my virtual life that I love and live for....but I had to live my real life today, which was BUSY!! Whew!

So here is the most important thing.....VGNO! Go meet some new friends, maybe meet up with some old, and wish Ann a HUMONGOUS Happy Birthday!

The Five Fish always love a birthday, the celebration of your life here with us! Birthdays ROCK!

Have a very Happy Birthday Ann and enjoy Coldplay tonight!

Birthday!

So I did not post today (which will technically be yesterday here shortly) because the Squids turned ONE! Totally crazy. They were oblivious of course, but hey....we all had a great time. I hope to post the pics tomorrow as long as time permits. I hope everyone had a great Sunday and a LOVING Valentine's Day.