Random Thoughts Tuesday: Craptastic

What a week right? It's only Tuesday Mrs. Fish, what could you possibly be rambling on about now?

Seriously a rough week.

My weekend was awful. DH and I had our anniversary in the middle of the week. Arranging a babysitter in the middle of the week is quite possibly as entertaining as squeezing blood from a turnip. Saturday rolls around and we are in high hopes of a sitter to entertain ourselves for our semi-annual dating ritual. FAIL. Yeah not so much. But I made up for the failure by attending a great soiree with my bloggy pal Kelly Loubet which I will post later for you all to gawk and squawk on.

Family also fails at that. Not that my family should be the responsible party for watching my children on my NINE YEAR faithful wedding anniversary, but the thought would be quite wonderful. Which speaking of family. I have a sister. You know that right? Yeah, she blogs over at the Greer 5. I think you all know her I used to, she doesn't come around here anymore. Not sure why on that considering we live in the same metropolitan area and area code. Sad really.

My father, a genetic fail. I received a "bob" auto dialer call today where they are looking to collect on his unpaid debt. Kthxbai, how the hell did you get my home number douche bag? I am unlisted. Both of you. Collected and Sperm Donor. Keeping with the theme of douche bags, yet two more calls come in, again one looking for family that does NOT, nor has ever, lived at our residence and the other for DH's ex wife. Yeah, he had a starter wife, she sucked. Couldn't even take care of a puppy, hence why he married me. Queen of all things domestic, financial, and debate worthy. Oh and her IQ was about as high as a cricket, I do possibly recall that Forrest Gump may have carried a higher IQ than she. Moving on, so yes we received these calls, fantastic. Time to change the number again, and to be unpublished.

In more craptastic random news, film at eleven, my star son. Oh my dear boy, my Einstein who failed today in every possible societal way. Hitting. Kicking. Cursing. Oh yes, I knew the day would come. That one day that dear boy would drop the biggest bomb on some teacher and boy HOW did he in the largest LDS populated school district. I am quite impressed however at his proper pronoun-verb-adjective utilization. Quite frankly to describe and verbalize that your classmates are fuckers is rather impressive. I boast at my use of the word fuck as a noun, pronoun, verb, adjective, so he must have achieved his oral expressionism from me. Either way, he has lost privileges and is now well on his way to "earning" them back through child slave labor....and by that I mean chores. I have to say we handled the situation well considering the craptastic circumstances. No tempers lost, no yelling. We like this way of parenting, more effective.

Oh yes and finally what is with everyone? I am assuming all the craptastic phenom is related to the full moon. Dogs humping babies, cats and dogs licking each other, kicking, cursing and fighting, seriously, get over it. I mean if you have a beef, get your beef on, grill some up, but for the love of Pete, slinging mud like a sou, really, so unbecoming. Anyway, lots more randomness but I will not keep you here. Go check out more random thoughts and rantings with Keely, The Un-Mom.

Random Thoughts Tuesday

When things are quiet in my house...which truly is not often I find myself pondering what people really think of me? Truly their opinion has no bearing on my life. The damaging, gluttonous, masochistic part of me really wants to know. Mostly because I know that a lot of people are full of shit.

I do not fit their mold by any standards. On the outside I may look to be a standard mom, somedays a true housewife when I waltz around in my eye makeup smeared to my cheeks since I forgot to use remover the night before, I have a patch of hair tuning into channels in space (total JBF or Bed head) and I am sporting the hawtest pair of Jones New York sweat pants. Other days, I look like I could kick your ass, others, I look like I sit next to you in the pews of church saying prayer.

While also thinking I wonder what is going on in the twins' little pea brains. Are they planning mass manipulations of our emotions later? Maybe a jail break? Munchies? The warmth of the diaper I just changed that was reminiscent of enchiladas? I truly wonder how fast and how hard those gears are turning in those bright little minds.

I wonder somedays if Grant doesn't try because he is bored. Seriously my Big G is highly intelligent, not just because he is my child but he is truly bright. At the ripe age of TWO he was planning jail breaks and was sneaky about it. I wonder if he is not challenged enough. Reading is boring to him if he has to do it, unless of course there is some math involved. Hmmmm....sounds like mom.

So my dog that I was quite literally in pieces about last week has made a full recovery. She suffered heat stroke and a case of pneumonia. I literally thought I would have had to put my dog down on my boy's birthday and I was NOT. GOING. TO. DO. THAT.
I knew that day would live in infamy and I would hate for him to experience that on his birthday.
But the dog is fine. Two thousand...yes $2000 dollars later. Like we really had that money. I mean hello? I could have spent that on blogging conventions alright!! (HA, *snort)
Not but luckily we have Pet Insurance. Right. Laugh it up chuckles.
My dog has better insurance...no....she has MORE insurance than we human's do. Period!
So hopefully we can obtain at least a 60% (hopeful..highly hopeful) reimbursement.

Lately I have been busting my ass too because my twin mom group is having our semi-annual garage sale. HUGE!!
HUGE GARAGE SALE!! Like 25 people strong garage sale of all of our SHTUFF!!
So I am hoping to make a pretty penny at that.
Oh and soap...did I tell ya I make soap?
Some people really don't care for it. But since I hate being dirty, stinky, smelling like a monkey's butt, I am a smelly whore type person I love me some soap.
Personally I have to say that my soap rocks. Yes RAWKS!!
Why? Oh well because you don't feel like you were hit with a sand blaster after you took a shower.
Yeah, little to no lotion at all after a shower unless of course you are like me and you like to smell all whorish and pretty. I have a sick obsession with pretty smelling things. I have cut back on buying the smell stuff, or I just make my own now. Since I am way cool like that.

So, oh right the garage sale and shtuff. I am tagging all that crap like a gangster in East L.A. I tell ya! The other night my left butt cheek fell asleep from sitting so long! Yeah, that hurt. I was afraid it would leave a mark ya know...like a floor sore....from sitting on the floor too long.

Yesterday was gratitude day I guess?! I had no idea. But here is my big fat gratitude. I am so thankful I have bloggers and readers that like my all over the place, speak my mind, no sugar coating blog. I am really like this 24-7, I just don't go out of my way like other people do. I am a Leo, so I stay the course, patient, loyal, loving, but if you cross me....ha ha...beware. So seriously I am so grateful for readers, bloggers, my internet that has been working without a hitch and for my hubs who works to pay for the internet.

Since I don't got a job! Well at least a job that pays.

Oh and one more thing...I was totally dying to post these pics for my Moxie post yesterday but I don't think the girls would have appreciated what Mona was doing with SpongeBob!

Seriously....she got a little frisky. We finally had to strap her into the seat.

OMG MONA!@!

I might have to have her go enter my Eden Fantasy's Giveaway! Naughty girl!

Be sure you go check out Keely the Un-Mom because she seriously RAWKS!

I just love to stalk her....shhhhh.....she might come Google Earth my IP if I'm not careful.

Muwahahahahahahaha

Stupid is as Stupid Does: Random Thoughts Tuesday

 My first Random Thoughts Tuesday care of The Un-Mom. Love her.

Politics and the American people amaze me more and more everyday. I am surprised I do not suffer from chronic headaches with the unstoppable head shaking of "WTF are you thinking?"

This will probably be my one and only rant on politics and the American people asking why the hell would you not let your child see the President speak about education? Are you stupid? You think that this ONE man has that much power to brainwash small children for a matter of minutes? You dumbshits let your children sit in front of that boob tube for hours watching Ed, Edd, and Eddy and you are worried about a Harvard graduate speaking to children about staying in school, listening to their teachers and listening to their parents and staying the course so they can make something of themselves in the future. Oh, ok. I'll take my college graduate ass somewhere else...like Canada, France or the UK where they have socialized healthcare too. So I don't have to pay to give birth.

My bullshit meter is off the charts lately. I can smell it like a hound dog after a fox. Seriously I have this uncanny ability to tell when someone is bullshiting me. I don't always call them out because really...the situation gets a little harry when you tell someone to their face they are full of the smell brown poo spewing from their lips. Ew!! I guess I just don't understand why people do it or lie for that matter. I mean really...where are those lies getting you but into deeper lies to cover with more lies. Seriously, a kitty litter box is cleaner than that pile of minutiae. Not to mention that people fall all over that BS like the gospel.

Parents are also oblivious to the actions of their children. O.B.L.I.V.I.O.U.S. I used to be that way until I turned on the bullshit meter. I saw through my kid like he was a spectre. Honestly, Waterford wasn't nearly as clear as my boy. I started to talk to him about his actions. Hitting...gets you nowhere dear, use your words. Words strike harder than a fist. Tell them NO, do not hit, NO, that is not nie. If they lie about what they did to you, let it go and let karma run her course. I love Karma...she is a slow mover, but a helluva a biter.

To have kids and not to have kids. I mean I can understand if you choose to not have kids because you fully admit you are selfish and enjoy a life without them. I understand, that's cool. I used to be that way. I used to spend wastefully on fashion, shoes, the whole nine yards without the inconvenience of a child. Then I had one, then two more. I love them. I don't judge others for choosing not to have kids as long as they have made the rational decision to admit they don't have kids because they like being selfish. Cool. People who decide to not have kids because "we are in a recession" or "I'm just not ready" are FULL OF...yes the meter went off again. Sorry. But really, I got pregnant in 2007, birthed in 2008. DURING. A. RECESSION. I mean did we need to have Newt Gingrich tell us we were in a recession for it to be official? Or maybe SpongeBob for those with a learning curve. The whole I am not ready either...who the hell is ready? NO ONE!! You aren't ready for the second, third, a double, the triplets, no one is really ready as each child is different. You as a person (hopefully...I am being STRONGLY hopeful in this statement) grow and evolve so your parenting is different. Your views are different. Which let me disclaim this, since my wonderful bloggy friend reminded me that if we waited till we could afford kids.....we'd still be waiting to have kids, I found I was pregnant with Big G when I got "let go" from my job because they heard I was shopping for another one and in two weeks were we packing up our house to move out of state. So yeah, weren't ready and I didn't really have a set in stone job when I moved. Really!!

The writers of Forrest Gump must have been geniuses when they came up with this statement in the movie "Stupid is as Stupid Does"

That's my rendition of Random Thoughts Tuesday. Happy Tuesday and off to Wordful Wednesday!!